9 Ways to Reconnect with Your Body and Enjoy Sex More
Sex can be an incredible experience, but when we're caught up in our heads or weighed down by stress, self-doubt, or pressure, it can be hard to fully enjoy the moment. Whether it’s the constant pressure to “perform” or the stress of daily life, many of us struggle to truly let go and connect with our bodies. Here’s how to shed the expectations, embrace your sensuality, and rediscover the pleasure in sex.
1. Redefine What Sex Means to You
There’s no “right” way to experience sex. Focus less on achieving a particular outcome (like orgasm) and more on enjoying the present moment. When you stop focusing on what it should be and embrace the pleasure of the now, your experiences will feel more relaxed and fulfilling.
Try: To help define what sex is for you, here’s some questions to reflect on:
When you think about sex, what comes to mind first? Is it a physical act, emotional connection, or something else?
What are your reasons for having sex? What do you want to feel or experience? Is it to express yourself? To feel connected? For pleasure? To feel desired? To feel loved or show your partner you love them?
How do you feel about the sexual experiences you’ve had so far, which ones felt most fulfilling?
Do you feel pressure to define sex in a particular way? What do you think sex means for you, rather than what others say it should be?
Do you think sex has to involve penetration or orgasm to be meaningful?
What parts of your body do you enjoy connecting with during sex?
2. Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
It’s easy to get distracted by thoughts about how you look, whether you’re “doing it right,” or what your partner is thinking. These worries can pull you out of the moment and shift you into stress mode. Instead, focus on what you’re feeling in the moment. Slow down, breathe deeply, and pay attention to the subtle sensations in your body. It’s okay to pause, explore, and take pleasure at your own pace.
Try:
Bring your awareness to the sensation of touch - how it feels on your own skin, how it feels against your partners, and the textures that surround you.
Breathe deeply, letting your belly rise and fall with each inhale and exhale.
Starting at your feet, do a body scan, working your way up through your body. Bring attention to each area, noticing any sensations you feel. Pay attention to where you feel warmth, pressure, tingling or tension- what else can you feel?
3. Understand Your Desire Style
Desire shows up differently for everyone. Some of us experience spontaneous desire, where the urge to have sex arises almost out of nowhere. Others experience responsive desire, where the desire to be intimate grows as emotional or physical connection deepens and pleasure increases.
It's also possible to experience both types of desire. When you’re aware of how your body responds to intimacy, you can approach it in a way that feels most natural to you.
Try:
If your desire is more responsive, start with slow, sensual moments like holding hands, kissing, or giving each other massages. This type of connection can heighten pleasure, build arousal, and spark motivation to keep exploring. Rather than focusing on the end goal of having sex, stay present with the sensations, tuning into what feels good and what you desire in the moment.
If your desire is more spontaneous and your partner’s is more responsive, practicing patience and slowing down just enough to let them catch up can be a game changer. See if you can focus less on the end goal and more on what feels pleasurable and sexy moment to moment.
4. Communicate Openly About What You Like
Sex is a shared experience, and it’s much harder to know what your partner enjoys unless you’re curious and find ways to talk about it. Open, honest communication invites deeper intimacy and helps ensure that both partners are having a fulfilling experience. Let your partner know what feels good, and remember - It’s completely normal to feel nervous about asking for what you want. Start by taking small risks, asking for little things, and build from there.
Try saying:
“Where do you want to be touched right now? What kind of pressure or pace could feel good?”
“Where do you loved being kissed? How about being nibbled? How would it feel if we tried that now?”
“Is there something you’re curious about or interested to try?”
“How do you want me to touch that area?”
“I love it when you do that, keep going!”
“It feels really good when you do X”
“Can you apply a bit more/less pressure there?”
"Can we try...?”
“That doesn’t feel quite right for me, can we try something else?”
“I’d love it if we could slow down and focus on this part of my body”
“How is this feeling for you?”
5. Explore Sensory Pleasure
Sex is about all the senses coming together to create a rich, immersive experience. By engaging all five senses, or whatever is possible for you, you can heighten your pleasure.
Try:
Sight: Dim the lights or light some candles to create a softer more intimate atmosphere. You might also find that eye contact with your partner enhances the connection.
Touch: Experiment with different textures (silk sheets, soft fabrics, or massage oils) and different types of touch (featherlight strokes, deeper pressure, fast/slow touch).
Taste & Smell: Flavoured lubricants or lotions, food play, salt on the skin, scented candles can all add an extra layer of sensuality.
Sound: Let the rhythm of music, the sound of moans, or soothing words from your partner add depth to the moment.
6. Cultivate Self-Compassion and Body Neutrality
We all have moments of body insecurity, but constant self-criticism can make it difficult to let go and experience pleasure. Shifting from self-judgment to self-compassion can help you embrace your body and let go of the pressure to look or feel a certain way.
Try:
Practicing self-compassion by acknowledging your body’s worth.
Consider exploring body neutrality - focusing on what your body does and how it feels rather than how it looks.
Check out It’s Normal’s free online course called ‘The Body Confidence Course’
7. Prioritise Self-Pleasure and Exploration
Getting to know your own body can be incredibly freeing. The more you understand your unique pleasure points, the better you can communicate your desires to a partner and the more pleasure you can access during solo explorations.
Try:
Experiment with different types of touch, using your hands, textured materials, objects or sex toys to discover new sensations.
Explore erogenous zones, experiment with using different types of touch, pace and pressure, and incorporate visual stimulation to see what excites you most.
How do you turn yourself on? Does a sexy or smutty book get you going? Do you feel most connected to yourself when you’re moving your body through exercise or dancing? Making time to listen to music? Or sitting outside in the sun? Maybe it’s styling a great outfit that reminds you that you’ve still got it or that feels creative and expressive!
8. Reduce Stress & Prioritise Self-Care
Stress can significantly dampen your desire and overall sexual enjoyment. When you’re feeling tense or overwhelmed, it’s much harder to relax and enjoy intimacy. Prioritising self-care and implementing coping strategies helps bring your body back into a state of balance, making it easier to connect and experience pleasure.
Try:
Incorporating activities like exercise, yoga, meditation, or deep breathing to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and promote relaxation.
Think about the small things that bring you joy or help you unwind. Maybe it’s curling up with a good book, snuggling with a pet, savouring your favourite drink outside while the sun warms your skin, or simply sitting in the quiet and feeling the breeze. Whatever it is, make time for those moments of peace and schedule them into your day.
9. Address Any Underlying Concerns
Sometimes, difficulty enjoying sex is tied to deeper emotional or psychological factors like past trauma or relationship challenges. Addressing these concerns with the help of a therapist can create a safe environment to help work through these in a supportive way.